Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize