the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
