Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
