No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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