I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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