Where did you get a picture of my penis
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
