I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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