bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
