Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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