so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
