So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
