Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
