my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
