So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
