i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
