i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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