Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
