I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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