well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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