I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
