Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
