Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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