I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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