I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
