the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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