apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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