You made me cry and you don't even care
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
