My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
