Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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