Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
