I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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