I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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