i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
