Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
