Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
