I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
