yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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