yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
