You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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