just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we're so committed to being not committed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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