And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
