2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
