You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
