census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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