He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
