Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
