You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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