um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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