I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
