She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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