the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
