You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
